The faggotard is
subculture-obsessed
highly medicated
often shut-in
not afraid of the light, just afraid of you
Messy and disoriented
Poorly coordinated
Unfinished poetry and code
Gay and comorbid
Mad as in both angry and insane. Queer as in strange and gay and fuck you.
Being a faggotard is not simply being autistic (or ADHD, or schizophrenic) and transgender (or gay, or bisexual). It is what comes out of being denied and rebuked by society. It’s embracing the fear you cause and experience, reclaiming it, and finding solace in it. The faggotard characterizes themselves (not “is characterized by” - self-identification is key) as:
Some write accelerationist theory-fiction and code calendars in alternate numerical systems. Some have an encyclopedic knowledge of glam rock and seek to embody its aesthetics and ethos. Some become Magic the Gathering judges, sell cards, or write meta. Some animate and study theatre, looking for a place in animatronics and puppetry. Some try to find the best medium to articulate an idea of living inside a nuclear reactor or giant machine complex. Some study clownery and liken themselves to court jesters.
In general, the faggotard is multimedia and multidisciplinary. Experiencing life outside of binaries and in tune with a multi-layered sensory (un)reality, it only makes sense. Often we are dissatisfied with just being programmers, or artists, or writers, or philosophers, or mathematicians, or sales associates, or camp staff. We cannot sit still. Everything exists as a spider web of connections, and claiming one medium or role can never satisfy. Sometimes, though, it is not a choice.
Sometimes the cisgender neurotypicals oust us from their artist’s circles and their software engineering spaces. Despite all the “love is love” and “gay rights” and “anti-stress workshops” and “mental health awareness”, the faggotard doesn’t fit, even in spaces that they ostensibly should. A cisgender queer person, or a depressed or anxious person without a cognitive disorder, can be more of a threat than the cishet neurotypical who doesn’t pretend to understand.
So we form pockets and covens, operating under our own chosen names and on deadlines that work for our executive dysfunction. When you’re connecting the minutiae of performance, theory, and machines, you have no time for explaining how to gender a trans person or what your stimming and tics mean.
Now then, with this established, and the cis NTs and those that seek pretty assimilation ushered out the back and into the halls, I present to my fellow faggotards an open letter:
REJECT “DISCOURSE” AND “IRONY” AND “RESPECTABILITY”
It’s not about making sure nobody is ever made uncomfortable, and that your queerness and neurotype meet a standard of purity; but it is also not about rejecting any of that and laughing at those who do. It’s knowing who your peers are and being willing to go “I’ll stop that if it bothers you”. It’s not being ableist and transphobic just because you can be.
Faggotards need to reject both the queer neurodivergence that cancels over personal missteps and refuses any self-deprication and “edginess”, and the queer neurodivergence that decries others like that as degenerate and uses that identity to excuse turning internalized transphobia and ableism outwards.
Exist as you are, unashamed but with awareness. Stim. Infodump. Flirt. Transition. Express your gender. Express your perceptions. Be stealth or stand out, or neither, or both, however you see fit. Be cringe. Be edgy. Be embarrassing. But if another faggotard says it hurts them, stop. Consider. Adapt. Ask what of your behaviour is internalized bigotry, or a defence mechanism, or genuine.
Construct. Deconstruct. Reconstruct. Stitch and rebuild. Reconfigure.
In a community of outcasts from community, there is vulnerability. We never learned the way they did. So take your time to adjust the thesis. If we are already viewed as cyborgs, then it makes sense - change bits as needed. Keep what isn’t hurting anyone.