I loved her. I remembered being young, when she was even younger, defending her from the cruel words that followed her. I remembered holding her hand as we walked through the streets. I remembered apologizing when our parents could extend their understanding to me, but not to her.
No matter what happened, I would be her protector. Even when she lashed out at me, even when we didn’t get along, I loved her with all my heart. I knew about her goodness inside—her intelligence, her creativity, her strong sense of justice. Even when nobody else did, I would defend her.
And then I saw her sink her teeth into someone. I watched as she sucked up their blood, then ripped off their flesh, tearing skin from muscle, breaking through fascia. Her hands crushed the biceps of the now lifeless body she gripped.
Was this the same little girl I had promised to protect? Or was this a monster?
I ran before I could ask her.
(Missing)
Does it count as paranoia if the threat was real? Because it was—it is. I have the dead family to prove it. I have the job I was denied to prove it. I’ve been told that my people are regressive, or dangerous, or subhuman. I’m lucky to be in school now, because schools wouldn’t have accepted people like me some decades ago, and many of them now won’t let you talk about people like me. Is it paranoia when the danger is not mere imagination?
A scared dog bites, but what do you do when it bites an innocent? It’s not mange, but another frightened creature is now hurt. That isn’t safety.
Commit a genocide to prevent a genocide. Enact misogyny to escape misogyny. A nonsensical calculus.
I want to think there’s no ill intentions. You saw what Hamas said and remembered the Nazis. You saw what a trans woman said and remembered a cis person that hurt you. But Palestinians are reacting, just like you are, to circumstance: to land taken, families forced out, hospitals bombed. Trans women are reacting, just like you are, to hate: to being called rapists, to being banned from sports, to being chased out of queer spaces. The Jewish people of Israel have blood on their hands; the trans men who peddle transmisogyny have blood on their hands. Cries of pain are not cries of hate. I know why you’re scared, but there’s a difference.
My words won’t reach anyone. The hunted have decided, in no uncertain terms, that the only way out is to become the hunter. Move up the food chain, attack prey or become it. And then when your own prey cries out in fear, accuse them of being the predator. Is it an excuse, or do you really believe it? I’m not even sure you know.
And Christian hegemony spreads, Jewish communities isolate further, HRT and surgery is restricted. Good job. Did the blood of Palestinians or trans women save you?